Saturday, August 30, 2014

Jill Shares TFM Personal Information (For Liebster Award)

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Ashley Nicole at Twe1ve2 has nominated me for the Liebster Award--which is meant to help people discover new and up-and-coming blogs (I guess that's little ol' me)!

You choose 11 bloggers with fewer than 200 followers (I'm assuming they go by whatever system you have posted--I, for instance, only show my Google + followers on my page, of which I only have 42, and therefore I qualify) and nominate them to continue the chain...
...the chain of sharing a bunch of personal information with your followers.  The person who nominated you gets to choose half of what you share, too.

I feel like the woman who chose me didn't know what she was getting herself into.

This will be fun.

The Rules:
  1. Post 11 facts about yourself (notice the lack of guidelines and/or restrictions).
  2. Answer the 11 questions provided by the person who nominated you and then create an 11-question set for the next group of nominees (still lacking restrictions).
  3. Choose up to 11 (or more or less depends on the rules you follow) bloggers to nominate and link them in the post!
  4. Let your nominees know that they’ve been tagged- and no tag-backs!
  5. Nominate blogs under 200 followers.

Here we go!

The Facts (of Life):

The Facts of Life
Anyone else totally watch The Facts of Life as a kid?  Jo was my favorite.  I loved tomboys named Jo--I also had a thing for Jo from Little Women.  They're always such awesome badass characters.  Blair made me want to throw up.

Photo courtesy of

I was asked to share 11 facts about myself.  No one said they had to be important, clean, appealing or even interesting.  So enjoy:

1. I used to only poop like 4 or 5 times a week, and then after I went vegan I pooped nonstop for like 2 solid (and sometimes non-solid) weeks, and then I settled into a nice, normal, daily routine.  Every morning like clockwork, about 10 minutes into my coffee.  Sometimes again in the afternoon.  Life is nice when you're regular.

Jill cartoon drawing pooping toilet
A handy illustration for you.

2. I hate Sandra Bullock.  For no reason.

Sandra Bullock
Photo courtesy of

She's an excellent actress, and I'm sure she's a nice enough person.  She never did anything in particular to offend me, besides be named Sandra, which was the name of the meanest evilest bitch-boss from hell I've ever had.  So maybe that's it.  But she just gets under my skin.  She pisses me off.  I hate watching her face move, and I hate listening to her talk.  The only thing I could even stomach her in was Gravity and that's probably just because it was fucking fantastic, so I could get past it being her.

I'm probably just a giant bitch.

3. Sometimes I get pimples on my butt.  Sometimes I don't.  Life goes on.

^Tweet This!^

4. I was married once before, at 19, to my first boyfriend whom I met in high school.

Samantha's first marriage
Yeah.  That's me.  WE LOOKED LIKE BABIES HOLY SHIT.  And notice the classy picture in the background--we were married at a local grange hall.  You can't see it, but there's also a deer's head on the wall.

He was half Japanese and his family belonged to the Unification Church (the Moonies, the mass-wedding people), which was uncomfortable, but not as much so as you might expect.  He's very nice.  We separated just before my 21st birthday.  It was very cordial.  We moved on.  It was weird, but now I get to freak people out when I casually mention my "first husband" or my divorce.  It is especially effective on the people who obviously think I'm younger than I am.

5. I can sing the entire 50 states in alphabetical order (per the 50 Nifty United States song):


 6. I wrote 2 books in high school.  There were very religious and disgustingly romantic, and they sucked, but it did help me practice my writing skills.

Overly romantic
Not unlike this, except add more Jesus.

Cool guy jesus homeboy
Much better.

 7. I have 2 cats named Aries and Andromeda, and they are the love of my life (don't tell Tyler) and they are giant brats who think they're vegans like Ty and I because they will seriously, no shit, sneak around me to steal lettuce and avocado and rice and pasta and dry flour off the table or counters.  And they start mewing like crazy when I open a can of beans because they think it's kitty food.  It's weird as fuck.

Tyler with the kitties
Andromeda is the squirmy one.  Aries gives no shits; she would let Tyler do anything he wanted.  We decided she's in love with him.  I'm pretty sure it's true.  She's even kinda bitchy to me sometimes, especially when he cuddles with me and not her.  I'm a little jealous.  Of my cat.  *sigh* I have a weird life.

8. My right boob is slightly bigger, and my left boob has slightly more nipple hairs.  You're welcome.

Actual photo.

9. Licorice is disgusting and it should die.  So should anise, cicely and fennel.  They all taste like licorice.  Fucking gross.

^Tweet This!^

licorice root aka death-flavored bark
Here, have some death-flavored bark!  NO THANKS.       Photo courtesy of

10. I am allergic to aloe.  Yes, like an actual allergy, not like a "gluten allergy" or whatever.  I know it's weird, but it runs in my family.  I found out the hard way--I applied 100% aloe gel directly to a terrible sunburn.  YIKES.

I produce pain-juice for your burns!! Want some?           Photo courtesy of

11. I'm a little bit in love with Jack White and would totally jump even his almost-40-year-old bones in a heartbeat.  I know he's weird and highstrung and went through a really gross phase where he wore white face makeup and made poor fashion and mustache choices and tried to look dead for some reason.  I don't care.  He still came out the other side looking fine and shredding a guitar in a way that sets my pussy a-tinglin'.

^Tweet This!^

I'm so delicate and ladylike.

Jack White is fine as hell and I would jump his bones in a SECOND
We could be JACK and JILL, guys!!  Jack and Jill, y'know...doin' it.                 Photo courtesy of

Pssssst.  His new album:


And now to answer Ashley Nicole's questions:

What is your favorite food?

My homemade Mexican-style pita pizzas, probably.  Or frozen grapes.

How do you de-stress? 

If I'm really wound up at the end of the day--like, say, the last couple weeks of watching the events unfold in Ferguson, MO all day--I will take a bath and watch Family Guy.

What scripture speaks the most to you?
HA.  Um"Accept His Noodly Magnificence into your heart, into your soul, and ye shall forever be free.  R'Amen." (You meant from The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, right?)

Where do you get your ideas for new posts?

Depends.  Conversations, the news, Twitter, other bloggers, my family...sometimes I even just sit there and scan my apartment until something pops out at me. I definitely get inspiration on the toilet a lot.

Cookies or Pie? 


What’s your favorite movie?

Superbad.  Chicka chicka yeah


What is your least favorite chore to do around the house?

Scrub the shower.  NO--clean out the fridge.

What’s your favorite hobby/activity to do in your spare time?


Do you play or watch any sports?

Um no.  Sports bore the shit out of me.

Are you a country or city girl?

While I enjoy nature, I am absolutely a city girl.

If you could describe yourself as any fruit what would it be?

Neil Patrick Harris.  Ha!  I'm just kidding.  Lots of love, NPH.  A grandpa-style joke for you!  Um, a peach?  Cuz I'm peachy?  I don't fucking know, fruit doesn't have a personality.

And now for the nominations!

Knighted painting Waterhouse (?)
What complex?

I nominate the following (most of whom could have 2 followers or 2,000 and IDK):

Martin at In Pursuit of Expression
Erin at Coma Diary
Tabitha at Arbitrary Scrawling
Tim at Short Stories and Sustenance
Lauren at Lauren of all Trades (we're name twins!)
Flynn at Flynn: The Ponderings of Flynn
Risha at You Can Read Me Anything
Kalani at Twenty-Ish
JerseySJov at A Bit Unaware
Claire at World Traveler in Training
Sacha at Zucchini Soup

Your 11 Questions:

Which Family Guy character would you be?
Cats, Dogs, Ferrets or Tarantulas?
Do you look at your poop before you flush?
What is the bravest thing you've ever said to a parent?
How old were you when you had your first kiss?
What is your favorite milk alternative (e.g. soy, coconut, almond, etc)?
What town were you born in?
What's a cool fact about your ancestors (if you know)?
Do you follow back everyone who follows you on Twitter?
What was your most-visited internet site in 9th grade?
Does your belly button ever smell weird?

The nominated don't have to do it if they don't want to, but I recommend it.  Everyone else DOES have to click on every one of those links and check out those blogs.

Aaaaaaaand GO!

Anyone have answers to any of the above questions that they'd like to share?  That's what comments are for, like, DUH.

Clueless gif whatever

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Here Are All The Famous People I've Met

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1. Bo Burnham

YouTube celebrity turned professional comedian Bo Burnham did a stand-up show in Portland right around the time he got the news that Comedy Central wanted him.  My cousin Val and I had been fans of his very early on!

That's me, Bo, and Val when we saw him in Portland 2010?  He is very very tall.

2. Matt Maher

You probably don't know who he is, but if you've ever listened to Christian rock you've heard the song "Your Grace Is Enough," popularized by Chris Tomlin.  Well Matt Maher wrote that song and sang it first.  And I interviewed him for the George Fox University Crescent, for which I was the Arts & Faith section editor.  It was very awkward.  This one is lame.

He's got that whole hipster-Christian thing going on.  Photo courtesy of

3. Mike Byrne

This kid is the drummer for The Smashing Pumpkins.  We went to high school together, and played in band together, and had homeroom together.  He's our high school's claim to fame.  We're all very proud of him.  Always knew that mad drumming skill would go to good use!

Photo courtesy of

4. Man Man/Gogol Bordello

Coolest thing ever, I mean all these other stories are weak in comparison--Tyler and I got to go backstage at a Man Man/Gogol Bordello concert and hang out and drink beer and shots of vodka and watch the show from the wings.  The lead singer of Man Man, Ryan Kattner (aka Honus Honus) is basically the nicest person in the world, and went out of his way to get us in and get us backstage, and the rest of Man Man is incredibly nice too.  Pedro Erazo of Gogol Bordello is really cool, I spent some time talking to him, and so are Elizabeth Sun and Eugene Hutz whom I was able to meet briefly.  Basically the best night of my life, and Tyler says the same thing.

Tyler and I with Chris Powell (aka Pow Pow) of Man Man
This is Tyler and I with Chris Powell (aka Pow Pow) of Man Man earlier this year.

From left: Eugene Hutz, Pedro Erazo, Elizabeth Chi-Wei Sun.   Photo courtesy of

Tell me your stories!  Have you met anyone famous?

*My grandpa met Lucille Ball and John Wayne.  Are you as jealous as I am???*

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